2011 i know you aren’t over, but you were like the weirdest year
location:
provo, utah: dagobah (that blue house with my east-facing pyramid room), the law’s house (one block away and the best neighbors you could ask for), rock canyon, provo canyon, all canyons, the herb shop, the bar on center street, the trailer park, the yoga studio, mountain west burrito, byu campus, y mountain.
salt lake city, utah: that house by west high, by the baseball field, by the tennis courts, trax, pioneer park, above decades, jon’s house, the farm in eden, 9th&9th, the petersen art center, the capitol.
tokyo: chiyoda-ku, the apple store, onsens, sendai, shibuya, minato-ku, yokohama, chinatown, the pier, kamakura, the subway, the JR line.
accomplishments:
apologized to my professor, graduated college, did some weird thing where i just stretched and meditated all day for a month and got a certificate for that so i can teach other people how to do the same thing, managed to remain sober while finishing school, quit smoking, sold my car, dodged a metaphorical bullet or two, danced, somehow managed to let go of and forgive someone who hurt a very important part of me, somehow managed to let go of and forgive someone else who hurt a different part of me, loved some, lost some, read like, so many books, learned a new language or at least tried for awhile there, climbed mt. fuji, kissed the big baby buddha, learned how to maintain a garden, ate (and drank) delicious vegetables and flowers and herbs and fungi straight from the dirt, ugh that’s it
guilty as charged:
gave up on something very important and precious, didn’t speak up enough, content to a fault, moved too soon, didn’t always recognize the things i need to be grateful for, spent money on things that i could have saved for better things, relied on family more than i would like to, lived in two places at once, didn’t give nearly as much as i received, tried hard to hold on to something that wasn’t helping anything, drank far too much that one time, stole some books, did other illegal things (weeee!)
grateful for:
the herb shop and all the people who work there, and at the yoda studio i mean yoga, for allowing me to be honest and open and accepted, and for giving me free food and free classes and free answers to all of my many many many questions about health, grateful for the people in provo who are all really fucked up and weird and really fun to party with, and by that i mean lovely souls who have all taught me very valuable lessons, grateful for byu (which is so weird because i really hated it for so long and was very bitter towards church-things, now i find myself missing stupid frustrating things like all those letters to the editor and dealing with the honor code or something, i mean yeah i definitely don’t miss going to see the bishop but i do miss that library etc.), for professors who went out of their way to help my rhetoric and who encouraged me despite my voiced annoyance. & well i could name a whole list of people who did something beautiful for me and maybe some day i will, but probably i will make that a private ordeal. grateful for an adventure to push my limits and to really test my loneliness and strength and grateful that the adventure is coming to a close. grateful for a healthy body and delicious food,
okay alright you get it right? i am trying to filter the water in me. i am embracing the mysticism and god parts of me as well as cultivating the cold hard facts of science and statistics and trying to simplify and balance them all in order for to battle this fear and apathy and discontent i very easily fall victim to. struggling is cool! struggling is fun! fear is the mindkiller! etc. etc.
also i am grateful for my dad, who last night asked me if i had any advice for him and i said “call more” and he started tearing up—only time i’ve seen him cry was at his dad’s funeral.
bring it on 2012!!!!
